i often have to remind myself of this.  each day i am alive, i am able to learn something.  each day i am able to learn something, i am able to live.  learning takes many forms.  it can be very literal: i go to a class, a teacher passes me knowledge,  i am tested.  other times it is more figurative: i take the time on my way to a coffee shop to feel the air as it enters my body, cold and crisp in the winter; to feel my feet in my shoes, on the sturdy but broken concrete as i walk.

when i am able to achieve some kind of quiet in this loud world, i am better able to focus on what is real.  the urge to disassociate from the things that are difficult; to feign ignorance in the face of a fiercely ugly reality can be strong.  what is real can be hard to see, hard to hear, and often hard to believe.  when we pass someone on the street asking for food, we often simply shake our head and look away.  when a story is told that challenges our understanding of reality, it is easy to just dismiss it as wrong.  we may close our eyes, turn our heads, put on headphones, dig in our heels, and hang on to what we think we know.  to resist change.

change is what keeps us alive.  literally, the cells of our bodies divide, the planets shift; life moves.  stagnancy is death.  as a people, we must monitor what it is we put into the world.  does it contribute to change?  does it contribute at all?  what are we bringing into the world?  what are we leaving behind?  i strongly believe that every action and every nonaction has an effect.  the food i eat, the things i buy, where i live, what i spend my money on, who i talk to, who i vote for, what i fight for, what i think about, what i write about, what i say, what i don’t say, and how i do or don’t say it matters.

i spend a lot of time with words, reading them, writing them, thinking them, saying them.  everybody has a thing.  words are my thing.  i try to choose my words thoughtfully, in every context.  recently, i have put a lot of thought into sarcasm.  what exactly is its purpose?  how does it contribute to conversation?  with this, as with everything, my history greatly informs my understanding.  and i have a long history with sarcasm as a deflective technique.  in fact, i used to use all language defensively.  now, i am dedicated to my own truth and carefully choose my words to communicate only what is real.  it is my desire to go even further that.  i hope through practice to someday only bring words into this world that have a purpose.

i have noticed that so many people i interact with use sarcasm regularly.  some people employ it as their main form of communication.  i’m not even sure if it is actually communication.  according to the meriam webster dictionary, sarcasm is “a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual.”  another definition i found, thanks to wikipedia, says sarcasm is the  “rhetorical device of using a characterization of something or someone in order to express contempt.  It is closely connected with irony, in that the two are often combined in the same statement.”  more often than not, sarcasm feels destructive.  it asserts the opposite of what is true in a tone meant to make the receiver of said comment feel inferior.   how is this okay?  and how is it that sarcasm has taken over as a main form of communication?

i use sarcasm.  but i don’t like it, not when i use it and not when other people do.  well timed wit and irony are amusing, and i definitely appreciate the variety that they add to communication.  but i wonder what we could achieve without it, if we all would just say what we mean.  think about how much more we would know about ourselves and each other.

every choice has a consequence; every action a reaction.  if my goal is to find quiet in the chaos, to learn from every moment, to welcome change, and to contribute with purpose, i need to make choices that allow for this.  i cannot know what is right for everyone, and i can only strive know what is right for me.  i want to be more real, even if it means saying less.  perhaps it is how i can say the most.

if you haven’t already, you should watch the video above because it is what frames this post.

i’m in college, trying to get my undergraduate degree.  the majority of my classmates are 18-21 and i’m 25.  not a huge age difference, but a noticeable one when you’ve been on your own for 8 years.  college small talk consists of a few standbys “so, do you like this class?”  “how’d you do on that test?” and the most used, “what’s your major?” which is often followed up with “what do you want to be?”  one of the things i love so much about school is that it gives me the opportunity to interact with folks i normally wouldn’t know.  it’s a very special environment, ripe with knowledge.

now, i’m in school because i want to be.  i love it.  i had to drop out at 19 and practically counted the days until i was able to get back to school.  5 years later, i’m doing it.  and i’m very proud of that.  but i cannot even begin to tell you how many people do not want to be in school.  or the people who are there just because they feel they should be.  i’m not counting the people i assume this is true for because of their classroom antics.  i’m talking about folks that i have conversations with.  some of my “school friends” (you know the people you are friends with at school, but only know there) are like this.

if you were to pose this question, “why are you here?” to a class of 150 students, i would be scared to see the results.  i believe the majority, probably overwhelmingly would say things like, “i don’t know,” “to get a good job,” “to make money,” “because my mom made me,” etc.  i hear people honestly say they are in college because it is what their parents want.  these are adults, mind you.  now, i understand familial and societal pressure is no joke.  it can make people live their whole lives insincerely.

i used to hang out with this girl in my English class last semester.  it was freshman english, so everyone else in my class was 18, including her.  she’s insanely smart.  very warm-hearted.  i’m sure she could be anything.  she told me she already hates her major, in her second semester of college.  i told her she should change it!  shoot, i’m on my 6th major.  but look at me, at least i’m happy!  she said she didn’t see the point since she doesn’t know what to change it to.  so i asked her to imagine with me.  i said, alright, well, what do you love?  if you could do anything what would it be?  she didn’t know.  i asked a beautiful, intelligent, successful 18 year old what she loved, and she just looked at me blankly.  it broke my heart.

what are our schools doing?  who are they creating?  it seems to me we’re are simply churning out workers.  people go to college not to learn, but to get a degree, a piece of paper, to ensure that they make more money at a job.  think about it.  how could our world be different if people did what they love?  if we had a society that allowed each of us to figure out what that is!  imagine if we were encouraged to follow our hearts.  if we were taught to learn because it made us better people.  imagine if we stopped putting education on a pedestal.  a pedestal only meant for certain people.  imagine if we had education that taught people not just to think, but to be better at whatever they love, at whatever they want to do…thinking or not.  imagine if our schools taught us how to better versions of ourselves.  Du Bois says schools should not just make workers and thinkers, but they should make men.  now, that was in 1903.  today, i would say, schools should make humans.  when i say that, i mean people in touch with humanity.  we are a lost people.  our society creates masses of workers out of touch with themselves and calls that process education.  that is not education.  that is the crushing of our humanity, of our Self, of our Soul.

it has to change.  we have to change it.  our people, ourselves, we need to change.  do you see it?  take a minute.  really, close your eyes.  just picture it…imagine our current reality.  let yourself go there.  feel it.  it hurts.  our people, our country is hurting.  we are out of touch with our needs, with the needs of our communities.  we have lost our connection to our land and to our people.  it’s time to change.  to evolve.  to rediscover what is right, and good, and real.  it is a long process that begins with one simple decision.  to be a part of the solution.  it’s just a choice.

what do you choose?